Hold On

Five years ago tomorrow my husband (of less than 5 months) and I entered a doctor's office with the expectation of hearing our 12 week old baby's heartbeat. Tragically, we never heard that beautiful sound and instead were left with the silence, the numbing silence, of grief. The days, weeks, and months that followed were dark- so dark that I only know now how devastated and truly depressed I really was. It took a long time to heal and, as with any wound, I will always bear the scars on my heart. I was left with a hole in my soul so vast that only God knows the depths of it. There was an emptiness, a longing, that I knew only He could fill.

Here's the good news though... There is a God who makes everything new. He heals the broken-hearted and offers living water for our dry and thirsty souls. That same God knew what He was doing when He called our babies home. And He also knew that on December 11, 2008 and August 15, 2011 he would bring two little boys into my life that would fill my cup until it was overflowing. He gave me everything I was missing and more.

I don't know what burden you are carrying today, but hold on. Hold on in hope that He will fulfill His promise to work all things together for good.

Heavy on My Heart

Two things have been heavy on my heart this week:

1st

If you live in Nashville and you never got a chance to experience Reiko Skincare, you really missed out. The owner, sweet Reiko Zealear, passed away last Saturday in a tragic car accident. She was a friend of my mom's and I knew her as well. She was at our wedding and did my pre-wedding facials :) She was a wonderful, Godly woman who was adored by all who knew her.

2nd

The beautiful girl on the right is my sister, Amy Joy. The equally beautiful girl on the left is Amy's dear friend, Catherine. (Catherine might as well have been considered my parents' 4th daughter during their middle/high school years and has been liked a sister to me, Ashley, & Amy!) She was in a very bad car accident this week and is currently recovering in ICU in a Knoxville hospital. I don't know all the details of her situation, but if you are reading this- I'd ask that you say a prayer for her. She is one of the sweetest, most wonderful girls I've ever known and my heart is heavy for her tonight.

Let's not take any days for granted, ok? Life is so precious and so short.

With that said, I'm gonna go love on this little guy...

Now tell me that's not the cutest face you've ever seen!

Lean

If you haven't seen this video, please watch it. I saw it for the first time at church this week, but had heard of Zac's story through people on twitter/facebook.

What the video doesn't tell you is that Zac passed away last month. He is now with Jesus, but it breaks my heart to think of what his wife and three kids must be going through. They have been heavy on my heart for the last few days and I encourage you to join me in prayer for this family.

Another family that I can't stop thinking about is Ellie Potvin's. Have you heard her story? Ellie is an 8 year old girl with Stage 4 rhabdomyosarcoma {cancer}. Yesterday, she went to be with Jesus while in her mom's arms. This is an image I can't shake. I seriously cannot even comprehend the thought of watching your child enter this world, only to watch her leave it 8 years later. Please, PLEASE pray for her family... (she has a twin sister) and I can't even begin to imagine the pain they are experiencing. After hearing of Ellie's death, Jeremy and I cried together for this family and began to thank God for our healthy little boy. You can read more about Ellie's story here.

I heard someone at church this week describe the idea of "leaning into your pain". Our instinct is to run from pain- to try and avoid it at all costs. But what if we leaned into it... faced it head on and pushed deeper? Have you ever thought that at the center of our pain is where we find the very heart of God? This concept is new to me, but makes so much sense. Lean into your pain. Lean on God. Thinking about the future sometimes paralyzes me with fear... especially when I hear of stories like Zac and Ellie's. So much can go wrong so quickly. I have this false sense of control that I hold onto... and it is so hard to let go. As if I can really control whether or not my child gets cancer or whether or not my husband is safe at all times. Thankfully, the Lord continuously reminds me that HE is in control and HIS ways are perfect... even though we might not understand.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and LEAN NOT our your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5

I attended a parenting seminar a few weeks ago {By Dave Thomas from Daystar Counseling} and there is one Bible verse he shared that keeps ringing in my head.

Maybe it's because it is SO relevant for my life right now.

Maybe it is relevant for you too.

" We also rejoice in our sufferings,

because we know that suffering produces perseverance;

perseverance, character;

and character, hope.

And hope does not disappoint..."

Romans 5:3-5

He shared this in the context of parenting by saying that as parents, who doesn't want a child with character? I mean, isn't that one of the main things we are working toward? Well, what produces character? Perseverance. And how do you display perseverance? Through suffering. That's a tough pill to swallow when I look at my own life, but even harder to accept when thinking about my son's life. Thankfully, we are promised that character produces hope ..... and hope does not disappoint. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to believe in something that does not disappoint!

So wherever you are on this journey... rejoice! God is making something good out of your suffering.