Oh, Baby Baby

Yes, it's true... today I am 12 weeks pregnant! Carter's brother or sister is due to arrive this August and we are very excited! Here's an update on this pregnancy so far:

- This picture was taken at 10 weeks

-In many ways, I have physically felt the same way that I did when I was pregnant with Carter. My first trimester symptoms have included exhaustion, nausea, moodiness (like PMSing on steroids), oh and did I mention the nausea?! However, this time around they have seemed more prevalent than before. When I was pregnant with Carter, I was working full time and "mentally occupied" for most of the day. These days I am busy chasing around a 2 year old, which gives me a little more "freedom" to think about how yucky I feel. Does that make sense?

-We've had a doctor's appointment at 6 weeks, an ultrasound at 8 weeks, and another appointment at 10 weeks. All is well!

-Something I struggled greatly with during my first trimester with Carter was worry. This pregnancy has been no different- and in some ways, worse. As you probably know by now, our first two pregnancies ended in miscarriages. By the time I got pregnant with Carter (pregnancy #3), I was utterly terrified and yet so weak in my fear that I had no choice but to relinquish everything to God. As Creator of the child inside my womb, only HE can take life. Nothing was out of His plan. Because of what we had been through, Carter's birth was nothing short of a miracle to me. I felt as though God had truly blessed us in the most unbelievable way- and I still feel that way every time I look at my son. I love him more than life itself.

For whatever reason, it has been really hard for me to believe that God would bless us with another miracle. I have been guarded in my excitement over this pregnancy out of sheer fear that my excitement will somehow "jinx" the pregnancy into absolute devastation. I realize how ridiculous that sounds and am probably being too transparent in the shallowness of my faith. In my heart of hearts, I know God is in control. I know that... but why don't I live that way? I am praying for this child, just as I did for Carter. I know God is working in me- and once again bringing me to a place of complete dependence on Him. And for that I am thankful.

Your prayers are appreciated. More updates to come!